Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Friday, May 1

Flashback Fridays: Sitting In Pee

Scary Mommy is kicking off a new meme today: Flashback Fridays! Bring out those early-day posts or an old photo, and head over to Scary Mommy to participate and catch more flashbacks (plus, there's a giveaway for today's kickoff).
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Random gross toilet pic I found... not actual assailant (I do not take pictures of toilets)

I sat in pee today.

Wish I could say it was Monsoon's, that he sprayed more than the toilet by accident. Or even that it was our pet who maybe made a mess on the couch. We don't have a pet. I would even rather it have been a Hubby's "revenge pee." Does that exist? I'm sure there is all kinds of revenge.. and pee.

And no, I didn't pee in my pants, although even THAT would have been better...

...than sitting down on what I thought was an old-yellow-from-age-spots-and-being-hammered-to-dimple-death-public-toilet seat. Instead, I sat (it was urgent, I was looking down under my glasses instead of through them) in pee. Someone else's pee. Someone else that I don't know's pee. There was stranger pee on my butt and thighs. It wasn't even cold yet. When I stood up, I couldn't even catch it all with toilet paper before it ran down my legs and got on my pants.

This. Was. Gross.

I used to squat, my grandmother's shrill voice ringing in my head from when I was four and couldn't even reach the seat without touching it, "Ssshhhhheeewwwwwwww, honey! Never sit. That's Nassssty!" as she held me up (no doubt straining herself) by the thighs, my arms wrapped around her neck.

Then I got pregnant, unable to squat and pee at the same time, and, for lack of my grandmother's strength, just gave up. It KILLED me to do it, but I had no choice. Then when Monsoon started going to the potty, he had to sit on it and I figured, what the hell. If he's sitting on it, I can, too.

I don't care what a pain those stupid disposable toilet seat covers are (or waste of trees). I will use them. I will carry them in my purse. I will keep them in my pockets. I will pack them with my luggage. I will USE them.

Stranger Pee, No More. And for heaven's sake, ladies: Wipe Your Own Pee!
(originally published 1-06-09

22 comments:

Call Me Cate said...

Oh, ew, I'm sorry. It does remind me of a story though that I'll have to post to my blog soon involving stranger-pee.

Maggii said...

Oh yuck...yeah there's nothing worse than sitting in someone else's pee.....It's happened to me before too...

Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier....

Lesha said...

Gross. Public toilets, especially women's public toilets are just nasty sometimes! I've seen in some the goo you put on toilet paper and use to sanitize the seat. I use my hand sanitizer for that now. Easier to carry maybe?

Elisa said...

Eww. I usually "hover", suqatting, which is most uncomfortable but necessary. Unless I see the cleaning person just leaving, then I sometimes sit. But come, on, people have GOT to wipe the seat if they get it dirty. I mean wet. Whatever, they have to wipe it - it's just so inconsiderate, rude and gross not to! Because, well, then THIS happens. Sorry it happened to you :-(

Anna See said...

I hate it when that happens. I tell myself there are areas on a woman's body that absolutely repel all germs.

A. said...

Oh. My. God.
I am so, so sorry.

ViolinMama said...

Oh. WOW. Wow...yuck.

I'm really sorry for this - but loved reading your post. YUCK, YUCK!

katef - www.picklebums.com said...

eeeuuuuw gross!! But funny!

Tami said...

EWWWW! I think I would of had a breakdown!

One of my friends has a similar post today....similar because both talk about human waste. Here's the link in case you're interested http://bahamashoresmama.blogspot.com/

Grand Pooba said...

Ewwwww! I am so loving this post right now, is that wrong? Why do I love posts where someone other than me gets humiliated? I don't know, but you are awesome! Pee is gross but you are awesome!

Thank you so much for linking to the fundraiser! I've got your extra entries accounted for!

Grand Pooba said...

PS That toilet looks nasty! Glad it wasn't yours.

Sherrlyn Borkgren Photography said...

I am a hoverer when it comes to public toliets. I also learned to hover over holes in Congo, Iraq and other countries. It used to be a joke when I rode w soldier in Iraq because they all peeed in the streets and I had to go knock on Iraqi's doors and ask to use their private holes. ha ha Great to remember this. We are so lucky in the US

patty said...

I feel sorry for yourself, it's horrible when we pass, and I also had to learn to float on the bathroom ....

Yaya said...

Ick. That's just the worst!

Michelle said...

Oh ewwwwwwww, I'm so sorry. I don't care how badly I have to go, I ALWAYS wipe the seat with toilet paper before sitting. For just that reason. And I'm teaching Little Miss to do the same. I love finding newly cleaned bathrooms though -- that always makes my day!

s'me said...

On the back of the door of the toilet at the school where I teach is a sign:

If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be sweet
And wipe the seat!

I'd be still bathing in bleach I think!

Scary Mommy said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! I am gagging for you over here. Blech!!!


And thank you so much for playing along, even if you made me ill at 6 am. ;)

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

So gross! See this is the problem with squaters...they make a mess. If everyone would just get over it and sit their butt down, our world (okay...well, maybe just our bathrooms) would be a much nicer place.

Great writing...

Bahama Shores Mama said...

We have so many ridiculous inventions......seriously can't someone come up with a solution???? My legs protest the hover I've mastered over the last *mumbles* 30 some odd years. Thanks for visiting me yesterday!

Megan said...

Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

UGH!!

Sometimes if the toilet seat looks bad (from age, whatever...) I'll even double, triple use those seat covers. And if there aren't seat covers, I'll use TP. At that point, I could care less about killing trees!

Xazmin said...

Oh Gross! I am so sorry!

When I was little, we used to drive to Idaho a couple of times a year to go visit my grandparents. We would have to stop a couple of times at rest stops. My mom carried a big ole can of Lysol in her purse. Then she would spray Lysol all over in the stall and on the seat, THEN she would tear of 2 long pieces of toilet paper (this was before the seat covers) and lay one over each side of the seat.

I learned very young to fear public restrooms!

Julia said...

There is no nice way to say this. THAT IS SO GROSS. LOL. AGGGHHHHH! Freak out time....