Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Thursday, August 27

The Bad Mommy Weekly, issue 5; Not a butt-wiper


It's been two years since I stopped buying diapers, but we've been struggling for the last year with something else. Monsoon had a free pass for a while - he couldn't reach back there - but he's bigger now. So why, for the love of all that is mommy's sanity, will he not wipe his own butt?

I'll admit, as a recovering germ-a-phobe, the thought of what's underneath those fingernails when a kid does finally attempt the streak-free shine, well that just about does me in. For this purpose, we introduced "the scrubby brush." I taught Monsoon how to scrub underneath his fingernails and he knew it was a must-do after every... ahem... attempt.

The whole "wiping" thing quickly overshadowed any slight interest in the the scrubby brush, though, and somehow the little tool has disappeared. I fished it out of the trash once, but I'm pretty sure he's thrown it away again. He figures if there's no scrubby, there can't be any wiping himself. Smart, eh?

The other day while I was on the treadmill, he went to the potty. I saw him go in, and I heard him yelling for me a few minutes later. Ugh. "You'll have to wipe yourself, Monsoon. I still have twenty minutes of runninnnnggggg!" Twenty minutes later, he was still sitting, quite patiently, on the toilet. Are you kidding me?

Yesterday, I let him sit in there for half an hour. Nothing. He knew I wasn't doing anything (like running) when he went in, so he continued yelling for me at the top his lungs. For 30 minutes. "I need you, Mommeeeeeeeeee." He actually cried. I thought he was faking, but when I went in, it took several minutes for him to calm down. Plus, his legs had gone numb. (Can continuous leg numbness cause permanent damage? Just curious. I'm not saying it happens a lot, but....). Bad Mommy.

He just won't do it. It's not like I can let him go wipe-less - that causes rashes, not to mention the stink-butt. Ewww. I'm not that bad... yet.

Are you a Bad Mommy Weekly? Vent here (or at your own blog and link up), ease your guilt! Feel free to copy my BMW button at the top of this post - the old fashioned way because I haven't bothered to make an official button - and use it on your Bad Mommy Weekly post.

8 comments:

JayCee Leigh said...

I know, not REALLY funny. . . except it is. I have tears coming out of my eyes pictures your little man. . . I'm DYING over here.

My Carrot is still too little to be able to wipe herself completely too--and I'm not yet brave enough to even let her attempt. Because I did once. . . and everything gross was EVERYWHERE. ew.

Melissa B. said...

My two are 22 & 19, and I teach 130+ honest-to-God teenagers each year. So I'm still wiping butts, metaphorically speaking...

Grand Pooba said...

Ewwww, I never thought about under their fingernails!!!

Lora said...

oh, this is what drives me CRAZY. When I'm babysitting a 2 or 3 year old, fine. But if you're 6 and still won't wipe your own bum...

Sassy Britches said...

Ohhhh, no. I was all on board with you until the numb legs thing! Crap (no pun intended), he's too smart for us! However, we must prevail, otherwise he could turn into, what was it?, an "evil genius."

H F W said...

Ugh, I hate it, too, when I engage in tough love, and it ends up being a little too tough with things like numb legs and such.
But just because we do things like this does not mean we don't loovelovelooooove our kiddos! Hopefully, they won't remember most of it anyway. lol.

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

This is so timely since we are going through this issue right now with my oldest. My secret...I bribe him. He gets 3 jelly beans when he attempts to wipe himself (after he is off the pot and washes his hands, of course). I am still doing a second pass on the tush as he is not proficient at wiping yet.

Michelle said...

Oh I can't stop laughing. I so feel for you. You I think missed my post from a week or so ago when Mister Man (6 in October) called for my husband to come check his bottom. Still laughing.

Uhhhh good luck there.