Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Tuesday, January 13

Keeping Up With Grandmas

Maybe you are aware of my new "group therapy" exercise program on Monday nights. I've mentioned it several times on twitter... and elsewhere, I'm sure. Here's a recap: there are five of us (women) participating; four of them are in their fifties and sixties, and I am 30; the trainer girl, henceforth known as Sexy Clean, is late twenties and super fit and takes this stuff way more seriously than the five of us she is training. I'm sure that has something to do with her looking ten times hotter than me. Fine.

Obviously, one of the perks of this is that I am nearly half the age of everyone else so it should be easy to keep up... and maybe even feel semi-superior. Hey, we are all pathetic in our own way.

Last night was the second session. Apparently, Sexy Clean is adamant about sweat - she made me do harder stuff! And you bet I did it, too - she's only nice until you make her angry, like the HULK of trainer-girls.

Half way through the work-out (I do not do aerobics - come on, they make me not breath!), I start feeling queasy and the room turns into a starry night. All I can think is, oh NOOOOO! I'm only 30! I can't just quit half way through when these other ladies are pushing on with such vigor.

It's a dilema. Do I quit and look like a quitter even though I'm really not just quitting if I'm about to pass out and throw up? What if Sexy Clean gets angry and makes me get back up anyway? It was so freakin hot, too. And stupid me, I didn't want to stop and buy a water at the gas station because I was wearing my yoga pants which are absolutely unflattering to my rear. No, my water was in a travel coffee mug, which was fine until I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up - then all I could taste was soapy coffee water. Ugh!

I seriously considered just going until I passed out (which I assure you, I would have) so they wouldn't think I was only being a baby. But I sat. I sat down and watched four grandmothers, most of them fighting arthritis and osteoporosis, sweat it out for another half hour that I couldn't get through. By the end, I was still sweating profusely and shaking like a silver bullet.

My only saving grace: Mint Milanos. I know, I know. AGAIN with the mint milanos? It's not what you think. See, Ms. Clean asked what I had for dinner, and I was all like, "dinner? Huh, I forgot to eat dinner!" And she was all like, "You didn't eat dinner!?!" and I could just see her becoming Incredible so I tried to think of what I did eat and blurted out, "Oh, I did eat some cookies." Oh, crap. Wrong thing to say.

Despite a quick lashing from Sexy, the cookies saved me. The cookies made me do it. It's not me; it's the cookies. The cookies caused my body to quit on me. In other words: I'm not as old as I felt and if I don't eat cookies (..on Mondays..) I should be able to keep up with the grandmothers.

Yes, keeping up with grandma is a goal. It may seem futile, but it's less embarrassing than Not keeping up.


Lesha said...

I didn't eat those cookies this morning and yet I had the same sort of feeling come over me during my work out. But it was just me and the trainer, so I really couldn't sit out. She did have mercy on me and cut out one rep of lunges. I don't plan on walking tomorrow.

Tiffany said...

I love mint milanos. Yum!

Coachdad said...

Too funny... Good luck next week! I would never give up the cookies, though.

A. said...

This is totally hilarious! And, just like Lesha, I had a freakishly similar reaction to my workout even though I did not have cookies. Strange.

Megan said...

LOL I've totally had that feeling before. It sucks!

I LOVE me some mint milanos and I have not had them in FOREVER. Jeez, everyone is posting about dang cookies tonight and I'm trying SO dang hard to not go make chocolate chip cookie dough to devour! LOL

Thanks for stopping by today! =)

KGW said...

Funny blog....will return. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Ryan Ashley Scott@Opitimistic Cyicism said...

Lesha: the cookies are almost totally worth it, especially knowing it happens without them.

Tiffany: Mint. Chocolate. Cookie. What's not to love?

Coachdad: No need to worry about giving them up - the cookies will be stuck to my arse for a long, long time.

A.: Is it in the air? Which reminds me - that night, the whole place smelled like farts. Weird.

Megan: If you make too much cookie dough, send it my way.

KGW: Thank You. I strive to offset my natural grace with humiliation, if only for the pleasure of knowing someone will laugh at me.

ALL: Thanks for commenting!

wendy said...

Oh, this is so funny (and I'm sorry if you did not mean it as such). Mostly, though, it is because I can totally see me here! Stick with it and you'll show those grandmas who's boss! LOL!