Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Tuesday, February 3

Fingers: On Pulling and Pointing

Visit Tova Darling for more Totally Awkward Tuesday fun! Really, it's FUN!

Middle School: 7th grade, exactly. 'Nough said, right?

But wait...

Science class, toward the end of last period when Mr. T is finished lecturing and we're supposed to be studying for an exam the next day. In other words, it's QUIET.

That's when I feel it. The gas. It's not tooooo awfully bad, so sure, I can let it slip out carefully... slowly... it'll be silent. No one will know...

PPppBBBBTTTTHHRRRFFFFTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was, um, loud. So loud, in fact, that the entire class turned and stared in astonishment toward my seat (all the way in front, farthest row from the door). I couldn't stand it. It was so bad.

I did the only thing I possibly could as a seventh grade girl, struggling for popularity in a mean-girls world. I pointed my finger -

- At the gross kid who sat behind me. Whole truth: I stood up, turned around, made a hugely disgusted face and yelled, "Vincent! Ugh!" I then proceeded to hold my nose and swish my hand back and forth in front of my face. It was quite a show, and I still wonder if my face reddened enough to give away the secret... or if I owe Vincent a long overdue apology.

In any case, Vincent, I am sorry. Seventh grade was probably harder on you than me in the first place, and you probably weren't that gross.

72 comments:

Tova Darling said...

Hahahaha!!! Oh my gosh!! Well, I guess your choices were A - blame it on someone else, or B - die of shame.

joanofalltrades said...

Poor Vincent! LOL!

A. said...

Freaking fabulous!
Nicely done! That is so hilarious!

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

LOL! I've spent a lifetime perfecting the "blame it on someone else" technique. My poor husband. :)

giraffegirl524 said...

oh wow... i think MY face turned red when i read that!

thanks for stopping by my blog!!

Morgan the Muse said...

Ah! That reminds me of a story that I have been trying to remember to tell but keep forgetting about! But I had a similiar situation, but not with gas. That poor guy!

Michele said...

Fabulous! I laughed out loud at this one. :-)

Ann's Rants said...

Poooor Vincent, and how perfect that his name is vincent. He really saved your ass (HA).

wendy said...

Poor guy!! I'll say, though, as a teacher, it is so hard for me when that happens to one of my students. Part of me wants to laugh (OK - so I'm not over the whole juvenile humor...whatever), and part of me wants to give the poor child a "rewind" button!

melanie @ don't expect much said...

oh that is just wrong on soooo many levels... shame on you...

LOL

Thanks for the giggle! :)

Holly said...

He, he, he...slightly evil. I would have done the same thing...you're like 12 after all!

Holly

freelancerforhire said...

LOL. In that situation it's always best to hold it. But it was a nice save....not nice for Vincent I guess....but a nice save nonetheless.

Melissa said...

LOL! I did the the exact same thing in high school. I can't believe I got away with it ;) Happy SITS day! have a splendid day!

Fruitful Vine2 said...

Oh no! You did that? I don't know what I would have done because that is so totally embarrassing.

One Cluttered Brain said...

WOW! I definitely AM not stifling a laugh here! ROFL!
Thanks! I think that has happened to all of us at one time or another.
And maybe an apology is in order to Eduardo, or Edgar I can't remember his name, i got *blown* away by your fart story...LOL!

Crystalin Dunn said...

What the heck is it that makes fart stories and seeing someone trip so dang FUNNY? A friend told me about someone she knew who had a habitual fart problem, who got creative and trained her kids to claim responsibility by giving them candy every time they did. That had me in tears from laughing so hard!

Elizabeth a.k.a. Type A Mommy said...

Awww, poor Vincent! Stopping by from SITS this morning to wish you a happy SITS Day!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Glad I didn't have gas problems but this was funny. Poor Vincent though, you were so mean to him.

Congrats on your SITS day!

Charlene said...

Oh my gosh - that is SO funny! Don't feel bad... I had that happen to me at a party (as an adult!) and blamed my husband!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo as a mom to 3 boys and several animals AND having a hubby I can totally relate. My children hav learnd the fine art of blaiming any poor animal that happens to be ithin earshot of said offense... and trust me when I say the beagle has some my hubby would claim lol.

Christina said...

Aww, poor Vincent!

Happy SITS day!

Christine said...

Maybe one day you'll get the chance to apologize in person at your class reunion....if Vincent isn't too scarred to come!
FWIW, you are a quick thinker girl...and I probably would've done the exact same thing:)

Jenn said...

Umm...I am sure he has forgiven you? I don't really know what to say, that is embarassing. Know what's not? Being the FB on SITS! Congrats!

Creative Junkie said...

I've blocked my entire junior high career out of my mind. I highly recommend it.

Kimmy C said...

O.M.G. That is toooo hilarious!!!! :)

Happy SITS day.

Kim @ Cheap Chic Home said...

Poor Vincent! At least you've come clean! :)

Miss Behavin said...

Ugh! Middle school and mean girls! Hated that period in my life. So glad I grew up to be a little nicer to people. ;P

Happy SITS day!

Michelle said...

OH NO! you are ONE of the MEAN GIRLS! You didnt even know it, did you?

Kristin said...

That is pretty funny! Seventh grade...what a stage of life! Poor Vincent!! :)

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Oh my! I think that we have all been there! Live on guilt free, my girl. You've said your sorries and now poor Vincent is famous. :)

Rook No. 17 said...

Hey, you were a quick thinker! Something to be said for that skill! Perhaps Vincent will turn up on Facebook as one of those happy surprises: unbelievably handsome, outrageously successful, and very forgiving.
Congrats on your SITS day. Thanks for sharing!
Jenn @ rookno17.blogspot.com

2busy said...

Poor Vincent! Oh, the shame!! Just kidding. This is funny...

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Hehehehehe! That has happened to the best of us. I wonder if Vincent has a blog where he has posted about that moment:)

Taylor K said...

oooh. good thinking! i just thought of an awesome story to share.... i think i'll be participating in totally awkward tuesday! woot!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Wow - ver brave for sharing! Bet you flet better :-)

Happy SITS day!

Divine Mrs D said...

I agree with Creative Junkie. Highly HIGHLY recommend forgetting junior high.

But that was a great post! ;)

Happy SITS day!

Heather said...

Forget middle school, I have nightmares that this is going to happen to me NOW. Ugh.

Happy SITS day!

Zeemaid said...

lol I probably would have done the same thing.

Happy Feature SITS day!

Brandi said...

I think we've all been there and can understand. Lol.

K a b l o o e y said...

Everybody at once: awww, poor Vincent. But maybe Vincent is now a VP at Google or has his own tech company, or invented a widget or something and is staring out at the ocean from his beachfront property, grateful that his life was hellish at 13 because it spurred him on to succeed to "show those bastards."

Helene said...

LOL! That's classic! Hey, when it comes to those awkward pre-teen years, it's a dog eat dog world, right?

Maybe you could look him on Facebook and apologize..LOL!

Kristy said...

Poor Vincent! LOL!
It's okay though. I'm sure he forgave you eventually. lol

Mimi said...

You did what any 7th grade girl would have to do, but poor Vincent!

Cathy said...

In my experience guys don't remember things from way back in middle school , so I'm sure he has forgotten or forgiven by now.

Kristin @ Meanbean said...

oh dear. I'm sure you're fine in the forgiveness factor...just remember middle school is HARD for everyone...I'm betting like many of us, he's blocked out that section of his life, and doesn't hold it against you. <3

AmericanTribal said...

Hahahaha, I can just see him scratching your name off of his "list of people to get back at" with bright red lipstick. Poor, poor Vincent.

I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes.

Marie said...

Poor Vincent, how did he respond to your accusation?

Pepper said...

Oh poor guy, poor you. How embarrassing. Did anybody catch on that it was you?

marfmom said...

Poor Vincent! See, this is what babies are for! My DH and I always blame it on our son :-p

Robin said...

We are ALL guilty of something exactly like this!! So funny!

-Robin

Momnerd said...

LOL! I did the same thing in P.E!

B said...

Awww poor Vincent! Very funny though ;O) Congrats on your special SITS day. B x

Young Wife said...

Ha, ha, ha! That is so funny. Oh, the regrets of middle school.

Jane said...

LOL! Poor Vincent!

Alex Fitzpatrick aka Ma What's 4 Dinner said...

I'm sure I would have done the same. Boys can get away with that sort of thing. I know I have 3, 4 including the large one I'm married to. In fact, in my house it's a big badge of honor right now. I'm sure that's how Vincent rolled right?

Happy sits!

Alex

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

Haha....I had a moment like this in 5th grade. Gas sucks!

I actually just posted about my jr. high gym class today: www.theunexperiencedmom.com

Tamara

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

That is awesome. I would have done the same thing. Now I just blame it on the dog or my kid. Although the Kid is quickly getting wise and more times than not will spill the beans about who farted. guess I'm back to blaming it on the dog.

sweetjeanette said...

oh, that's priceless! At least you apologized to Vincent...

Congrats on YOUR day at SITS!!!

sweetjeanette.blogspot.com

becca said...

I'm impressed you were such a quick thinker! I would have started to cry right on the spot I'm sure. And then later, lying in bed, still crying that it had happened to me, I would have said aloud, "Shit! I should have blamed it on the fat kid!". Oh well, good for you for apologizing this many years later! Better than never, right?

African American Mom said...

LOL! Good Story.

Angelia Sims said...

Haaaaaaaaa! Funny! Can't believe you pulled that off! Bravo!

How in the heck did you learn how to spell a FART? Awesome!!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Oh god. I did that in my first (and last!) Yoga class. Very loudly. I've never dared try yoga since. Happy SITS day.

Romy said...

We've all had moments like that, totally relatable.

Micha said...

I think everyone has done that at least once in his or her life. I usually blame my mom. If you could use that kinda gas to power cars we'd be the richest family on the planet because of her.

When did I become my Mom said...

Oh my gosh that is so embarrassing. Lol. Poor Vincent never stood a chance...

I would have done the SAME thing!

Megan said...

Haha!! So mean but so funny!!

samsstuff said...

So funny! Poor Vincent, but you're right, it was 7th grade.
Happy SITS feature Day!

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland said...

Oh man, poor you -- and poor him! I'm sure you're not the only one who's done something like that though! Heck, my husband blames our little girls all the time! :) Enjoy your day in the SITS spotlight!

Chelle said...

Hahaha!! I love it!

True story--in third grade this boy (Matt) pooped his pants. All over his chair. We had to be evacuated...and when he writes something on fb? I always think of that...

Sorry--Matt's story obviously got engraved in my mind, lol! xo

Unknown Mami said...

Poor Vincent! Makes for a great story though.

greedygrace said...

I love this! I'm totally going to pass this story off as my own!

Caroline said...

hahahaha! Very funny! Happy SITS day!