Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Monday, October 19

Expiration dates are for wussies, and other Scary Mommy notes

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Guilty mommies, glad mommies, happy mommies, sad mommies, proud mommies, angry mommies... so many personalities. The thing is, each of these personalities belongs to every mommy at one point or another. We can't all be happy every minute of the day, and most of us are lucky to get even one moment of sanity in a week. Truthfully, most of these phases hit us as hard and fast as hot flashes and cold chills during flu season. We aren't perfect and we aren't consistent and half the time we don't know if we're wiping a nose or a butt. It's scary!

Here's how scary it gets around this house...

If we run out of the "good" green tea (the only thing that will make him stop whining for ten seconds) when my son is sick, I will pull out the "other" box. You know, the one I found last week while cleaning out the cabinets. The one that expired in 2003.

Sometimes this mommy needs a time out even when my boy is being delightful. In such instances, I might ask him if he wants to pretend-box, knowing that he'll get carried away with excitement and... "Ouch! Ouch! Mommy can't play anymore." Shamefully scary.

Sure, I'll dress up as the Joker for trick-or-treat because my little Batman asked me to. I'll even let him put on my make-up for the event. But he'll soon learn that nothing in this world is free, and I take payment in the form of chocolaty goodness. That's right son, say goodbye to your Reese's cause they won't be around in the morning.

Don't worry, I scare other people, too...

I will fly to my child's rescue when a kid who is twice his size starts picking on him at the park (and heaven help that bully when I get there because I will be scary). But...if my son turns the tables and begins choke-slamming said bigger kid before I get there, I will walk the rest of the way really, really slowly. And maybe smile a little.

I also let him run in the mall, pick out his own clothes (that Batman costume from last Halloween? He wore it 4 times last week, even to the doctor's office), draw with lipstick all over his face, and dance in the rain. I might even put on some Laurie Berkner Band and get all soggy with him. We might step in dog poo and laugh til we can't breathe.

It's good to find a balance... even if it's a scary one.

This post is brought to you by the original Scary Mommy. In celebration of the release of MOTHERHOOD this week, she is hosting a fabulously scary search for real, imperfect moms. Join her by writing your own scary mommy story and posting it on your blog, then link up with her (and feel good about not being the only mom in the world who sometimes gets a little scary).

What makes YOU scary?

10 comments:

Ann's Rants said...

I love a Mama who lets her kids wear costumes when it's not on Halloween.

Good for you, but uh...lay off on the boxing ;)

adrienzgirl said...

That's not scary, that's real! I love that you are not one of those uptight mommies who pretends the said scary doesn't happen in her perfect home! :)

Grand Pooba said...

Oh man, see and to me that's what a good mommy does! Worse thing I've done is leave my kid outside all night. Good thing he has fur and an insulated dog house.

Mom of Three said...

What a great scary mommy you are. :-)

Amy said...

I will have to check this out when I get home. I hope it is still going on. I loved your story. It was pretty funny and scary..

Whiney Momma said...

Good for you. I think it is great to be a scary mommy every once in a while. Heck, it beats being whiney all the time : )

Cassie said...

I'm glad to see other Mommies with my philosophy when it comes to Halloween candy. That is no candy shall be had until Mom has picked out her favorites! Good luck in the contest.

Scary Mommy said...

Oh, I always bet we'd be great friends, now I KNOW it! I love when I see kids in Halloween costumes year round-- why the hell not? They're only kids once, and someday wearing a Batman costume in public could land a man in jail. Let them enjoy it now!!

the ungourmet said...

A good trick is to put the "other" tea into the empty "good" tea box while nobody is looking. :D

Michelle said...

Tea, much like ketchup, doesn't actually expire. It's just a ploy to get you to buy more stuff :)