Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Wednesday, December 23

The lies we teach...

Monsoon is four. He's a good kid. Really. He's honest and trustworthy most of the time - although he does occasionally tell a fib with a huge grin and arched eyebrows like he's surprised he's doing it, so I can always tell. He's only four, though, and I understand that there are few precious years where he'll be entirely truthful and open with his mother, and those few years are nearly up. I want to hold onto them, though, as long as I can. We teach him to own up to his mistakes, clean up his messes and to think of others first, as hard as it is for him.

He's the type of kid who, when the video store clerk offers him a sucker from the basket, will automatically tell her, "Mommy said I can't have anymore candy today." He shares even his most prized goodies with whoever is around (as long as it's his idea to share and nobody told him to). He laughs and tells us when Grandpa gives him an extra Popsicle (because of course Grandpa's authority overrides anything we have said). He has been sheltered from manipulation and he hasn't really known about lying. Until today.

Today, he was asked to keep a secret from Mommy and Daddy. The secret itself wasn't any huge deal - he watched a movie when I had specifically requested that he not. He was permitted to watch it anyway, and made to promise that he would keep it a secret. He slipped by accident, then my husband had to coax it out of him, ever so gently, careful not to let on his anger. He wasn't angry at Monsoon, of course. He was angry that someone would purposely teach our young child how to manipulate and lie. The secret, of course, was not to protect Monsoon. It was to protect the people who let him do what he wasn't supposed to do.

Sure you can do it, we just can't tell Mommy and Daddy. That's right, you don't have to stick to their rules as long as you keep it a secret.

Don't they figure it out soon enough? I'm heartbroken. It may seem trivial, I suppose, given the precise secret. It just makes me sad. It tears me up that he really thought he had to keep it a secret, and tried not to tell us. I want him to know that he can talk to us about anything, always. It's one of the most important lessons I want him to learn. We are his parents. We will love him always, no matter what. He shouldn't be afraid to tell us anything. Ever.

What do you all think? What would you do?

12 comments:

Corinne said...

Lady, I am livid for you. Really. There is NO reason to do that to him, and in turn undermine your parenting.

I would say something to whoever it was. No matter the relationship. Because that put Monsoon in a difficult position. A position a four year old shouldn't have to be put in, ever.

Let us know what happens! Good luck, what an unfair thing to have happened. I'm so sorry!

Eva Gallant said...

I concur with Corinne; you definitely should speak to whoever did this. Explain your feelings the same way you did not us. I'm sure the person or persons didn't fully think througb what they did and the position it put your son in.

Michelle said...

Oooo, I have a lot of anger about other people usurping my parental authority, as well. At least my parents know not to have the wee ones hide it. They run with that "What happens at Grandma and Grandpa's..." rule -- or so they claim. *sigh*

I'm so sorry Monsoon was exposed to this. Secrets can wait. There will be more than enough of them, and we all need our lines of communication open. Not a fun situation.

H F W said...

How terrible that someone put your little guy into that position. It probably was very confusing for him. I think if you and the hubs handle it by telling him that, of course, he can and should tell you anything without fear that it could be a good learning situation. But shame on the adults who made your sweetie take on the burden of such a secret. Sigh. I'm really sorry, and I hope you can somehow talk to those adults about this and gain resolution.

adrienzgirl said...

I'm going to assume this was a grandparent or caregiver. I think a lot of times they are just trying to be as special in the hearts of their grandchildren, as their grandchildren are in their hearts. They really don't think about the lying part or even see it that way. It's just a secret, like their "special" whatever. But, most of them grew up when keeping secrets about adults from Mommy and Daddy wasn't such a BAD THING.

I feel for you, cause that stuff pisses me off too. I've had more family members than just grandparents to similar things. AND I LET THEM KNOW I WAS ANGRY!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I would be very upset with the adult who did this, and would have a hard time trusting that person again.

Amy said...

Poor little guy. He will be okay just keep teaching him like you have he will learn. He is only four..

theUngourmet said...

I would be pretty darn irritated at the person who let him watch the movie and then not to tell you. I would give them a piece of my mind for sure!

On another note, have a wonderful Christmas! :D

Call Me Cate said...

I have no idea what to suggest but I'm sorry this happened.

Also, as someone without children, I want to thank you so much for posting about it and explaining so clearly why you're upset. I must say I may have done the same thing as the adult in this situation without giving any thought to what it actually meant in the bigger picture.

wendy said...

I think I would be pretty upset. No...I *know* I would, and not because he watched the movie, but, like you said, because someone was teaching him to lie. I'm sorry.

Sassy Britches said...

This makes me really sad for poor Monsoon. I certainly hope you had a heart-to-heart (or fist to nose) talk with the adult(s) in question. People just don't think before they act, especially if they're trying to build a relationship with young children. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

silver star said...

Like Cate and Wendy said, I don't have children, so I'm glad you explained your reasons and I would be upset in that situation.