Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Thursday, February 18

Top Ten things I didn't know I'd miss until they were gone

Everyone warns about the lack of sleep and never-ending poop, but there are a couple things I wish I'd have appreciated before I became a mother.

  • Bladder control.
  • Knowing I could lose that last ten pounds (or 30) if I really wanted to. Let's face it, baby weight could suck the skinny out of a Barbie doll.
  • Thinking I'd never turn into my mother (or grandmother, as the case may be).
  • Arrogance and judgement. Rolling my eyes at that crazy-eyed, wild-haired woman in line at Target who's 4 year-old is jumping up and down in the cart and screaming about needing the GREEN Hot Wheel toy, not the BLUE Hot Wheel toy? It's humbling to find out that yes indeed, my child WILL do that.
  • The naive presumption that hemorrhoids plague only men.
  • Blaming my parents. I used to know exactly what they should have done differently. Too bad I can't get that foresight with my own kid.
  • Having zero understanding of the phrase "sweat like a pig." Something happens with those hormones, and all of a sudden I'm rolling deodorant onto my back so we can have a picnic outside in June without taking a change of shirt.
  • Fitting into my favorite shoes. Those classic black peep-toe stilettos from senior prom? Sorry, self. Our feet will never be a size 6 again.
  • Feeling like a girl. Aside from the sweating when I stand up and the peeing when I jump, I've had the same nail polish on my toes since December and I've grown a perma-ponytail so that even when my hair is down, you can see the pony-tail line.
  • Being in control. Monsoon has ripped the control right out of my hands. Or maybe he giggled it away.

Life is certainly more exciting now, and I wouldn't trade any part of it to get those things back. I just wish I'd have taken some time to enjoy them - or even notice they were there.

16 comments:

Young Wife said...

Great post! For me there was never any question about #3. I was doomed from childhood. ;)

Quixotic said...

And of course - SLEEEEEP!!!! Never missed it til it was gone... :(

Trish said...

This post is oh so true and could possibly keep childless women childless for the rest of their lives!

I love the jump and pee...the other day I sneezed and just about peed.

singedwingangel said...

Oh wait I can cough and pee, laugh nad pee, sneeze and pee, type and need to pee. Ahh motherhood ain't it grand..

Anonymous said...

Hello readers
Do not miss your chance to get a free ipad. Visit http://bit.ly/d9QOON

Grand Pooba said...

LOL, I try not to be one of those rolling eyes people in Target but it's just so hard not to!

Eva Gallant said...

Oh that post is so, so true!
And it doesn't get easier--well, the peeing does--even though you'd rather it didn't! lol

Call Me Cate said...

So what if you aren't yet a mother but roughly 7 out of 10 are already true? Guess I might as well have a kid or 12.

Hyacynth said...

You're inspiring me to do kegels. lol! That's something I don't want to miss.
I think my kids have giggled the control out of my hands, too. If I ever had it anyway. I think it was just an illusion.

j said...

thanks for the perspective. i will try to enjoy all of those things for as long as i have them left. lol

Funny in My Mind said...

You crack me up!
I also have the worst pedicure, if you can even call it that and don't get me started on the sweating. Haven't started to lose bladder control but I still have the baby weight from 14 years ago!

Adriana said...

great post! this is so my life right now! (i had my boy four months ago) I'm new to your blog...i found you on SITS. im a follower now!

Anonymous said...

I kinda have been expecting this in a way...
But I reali dun think da world is going to end...start a new era maybe but the world is not ending.
That's not gonna happen till a thousand years later! Ok, I'm not sure bout that either but that's not the point! The world's not gonna end! Full stop!
[url=http://2012earth.net
]switch to consciousness 2012
[/url] - some truth about 2012

Rintusir cuttack said...

deal or no game



Nice post ...That's not gonna happen till a thousand years later! Ok, I'm not sure bout that either but that's not the point! The world's not gonna end

Rintusir cuttack said...

deal or no game



Nice post ...That's not gonna happen till a thousand years later! Ok, I'm not sure bout that either but that's not the point! The world's not gonna end

browneyes_24b said...

Hi! Stopping by from SITS! This is the first time I've seen your blog and your sense of humor is refreshing! Consider me a follower!