Top Ten things I didn't know I'd miss until they were gone

Everyone warns about the lack of sleep and never-ending poop, but there are a couple things I wish I'd have appreciated before I became a mother.

• Bladder control.
• Knowing I could lose that last ten pounds (or 30) if I really wanted to. Let's face it, baby weight could suck the skinny out of a Barbie doll.
• Thinking I'd never turn into my mother (or grandmother, as the case may be).
• Arrogance and judgement. Rolling my eyes at that crazy-eyed, wild-haired woman in line at Target who's 4 year-old is jumping up and down in the cart and screaming about needing the GREEN Hot Wheel toy, not the BLUE Hot Wheel toy? It's humbling to find out that yes indeed, my child WILL do that.
• The naive presumption that hemorrhoids plague only men.
• Blaming my parents. I used to know exactly what they should have done differently. Too bad I can't get that foresight with my own kid.
• Having zero understanding of the phrase "sweat like a pig." Something happens with those hormones, and all of a sudden I'm rolling deodorant onto my back so we can have a picnic outside in June without taking a change of shirt.
• Fitting into my favorite shoes. Those classic black peep-toe stilettos from senior prom? Sorry, self. Our feet will never be a size 6 again.
• Feeling like a girl. Aside from the sweating when I stand up and the peeing when I jump, I've had the same nail polish on my toes since December and I've grown a perma-ponytail so that even when my hair is down, you can see the pony-tail line.
• Being in control. Monsoon has ripped the control right out of my hands. Or maybe he giggled it away.

Life is certainly more exciting now, and I wouldn't trade any part of it to get those things back. I just wish I'd have taken some time to enjoy them - or even notice they were there.