Sanity or Patience: choose one.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "HA! I am sane!" Then you step in dog poo with your bare feet and remember it was your idea to get the puppy...?

Wednesday, January 14

Death by Vibrator

We've all been to those so-called "fun" parties, right? Yeah, yeah, it sounds great: food, wine, trashy sex talk and toys. But have you ever really listened to the warnings they issue about the proper use and handling of these products?

"If you have any pain in your legs, especially coupled with redness or warmth, do not use any type of vibrating mechanism." Why? It could be a blood clot, which when vibrated could break free from your leg and move upward to your heart/lungs/brain/etc... "CAUSING SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH."

Can you think of a more embarrassing obituary? "Young woman dies unexpectedly: Husband returned home from work to find her unresponsive and naked. Donations are being accepted on behalf of The Gun-less Bullet of Death Foundation, which was erected in memory of Miss Alotta and will fight for every woman's right to life after climax.

That's it. Just give me a pan of brownies and be done with it, I say! Death By Chocolate is more my style.

Similar findings and grievances may be filed at Buzzer Beware: The Semi-Silent Epidemic

6 comments:

KGW said...

Funny, but scary. I'm with you. Stick to chocolate or the shower head........not that I would know or anything :)

ashleefay4806 said...

Isn't it funny how almost everything that makes you feel good is bad for you? Like mixing Prozac and Vodka. Just bums me out ;)

Ryan Ashley Scott@Opitimistic Cyicism said...

KGW: I have a funny story about the shower head, but I'll save it for Totally Awkward Tuesdays when I find the blog responsible.

ashleefay4806: Yes! Prozac and Vodka; Butter dipped in sugar; Local bars and old flames.. :)

Star Forbis said...

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Come back anytime.

Lesha said...

When I was a brand new mom I was just astounded by the amount of vibrating BABY stuff! All the boxes had the word "vibrating" on them, made me think "this must be what Jenna Jamison's baby would consider comforting".

wendy said...

Mmmmm....brownies! Yeah - I think brownies are a far more dignified way to die!