Not Me! Monday: lagging swine butt and pick-up-chicks

To participate in Not Me! Monday, hosted by Mckmama, click on the link because my computer won't allow me to copy the code for her button today for some weird reason.

I did NOT run an entire 5k on Saturday without walking, only to be 5 minutes slower than my mom who had swine flew earlier in the week. Nope! I'm also NOT still completely happy with my time of less than 37 minutes. I did NOT actually say it was fun, and am NOT looking forward to the next one in October.

I also did NOT get rope-burn in my groin area later that day. NOT at all! It was NOT from sneaking into an elementary playground with Monsoon, where I would NEVER act like a child on the equipment, totally NOT showing off my mad clumsy skillz on the rope climber.

I would also NEVER in a million years go to two pig roasts in one weekend and gain back every bit of the 2.5 pounds I lost earlier in the week. I am NOT into sabotaging myself. NOT me!

I did NOT Take Monsoon to a farm festival yesterday where he did NOT shock me by running around the chicken pen picking up chickens. I was NOT worried he would get flogged. Or chicken rabies. A piglet did NOT try to eat me. Another piglet did NOT sniff Monsoon's butt and Monsoon most certainly did NOT proclaim loudly, "The pigwet yikes my butt!!" I did NOT snort like a pigwet myself.

Not Me! Not my husband

This edition of Not Me! Monday is dedicated to my husband, who absolutely, positively, 100% did NOT do any of these things.

Since I did NOT wait til the last minute to make an appointment for Sprinkles at the goomers, hubs did NOT shave poor, poor puppy with the clippers and make her look pitiful (and I totally did NOT help). She does NOT now look like a drowned rat even while dry.

Hubs also did NOT possibly give himself a stress fracture last week while running (because he would never forget to stretch beforehand) and then did NOT spend most of the 4th getting his butt kicked at wiffle ball, NOT running around like an idiot, surely NOT because he drank an entire cooler of YingLing (which I'm sure I spelled correctly). His foot did NOT hurt even more the next day. *sigh* (At least he didn't get the riding mower out like last year and spend an hour cutting the grass for fireworks... even though nobody could find where any grass had actually been cut other than one single circle).

Yesterday, of course he listened to me when I told him how to grill the pizza, so he did NOT burn it and would NEVER blame me for having to eat blackened crust. Nope, it just was NOT that bad.

What did you (or your significant idiot other) NOT do this week? Head over to MckMama to participate and see what everyone else hasn't been into!

Not Me! NOT a slacker.

Not Me Monday.... really late.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT spend the entire past week moping about. I was NOT rejected, not at all, not even a little bit. I am NOT sniffling and whining right now while no one is home and I absolutely do NOT care if my short stories stink. Because of course they do NOT.

Speaking of rainbows and sunshine, I also did NOT break my favorite flip-flops when I stepped out of the car in the Church parking lot Sunday, because I would NOT ever wear flip-flops to Church.

I have NOT been slacking on posts and positively have NOT regretfully neglected 99% of you in the last week (or maybe two). If you need to feel better (because we all know how awesome and important I am, so of course you've noticed how I haven't been around) I also did NOT forget to take my final exam for yoga and surely will NOT subsequently fail. Yoga. I will NOT say it again: Fail Yoga. Yoga!

I'm feeling so totally zen right now.

Not Me Monday:

Tell us what you certainly did "NOT" do this week. Stop over and visit MckMama. She's now at Children's Hospital in Boston with her baby, Stellan, as they try to figure out how to heal his little heart.
I did NOT accidentally pet Sprinkles on the butt instead of the tail because she's so dark and hairy that it's NOT hard to tell which end is which. She is totally NOT a "butt-head."

I have NOT been trying, unsuccessfully, to stop using this :) and this ;) because I have never NOT ever over-used either of them. I do NOT feel the need to add those little faces in order to make sure whoever is receiving the message knows when I'm being nice. NOT all the time.

I am NOT just two inches away from a rant about my husband's friend who is an idiot. (seriously, how do you complain for years about your life sucking but now finally - amazingly - talked a woman, who is out of your league by the way, into dating you and then bring up your self-involved pity party over your ex-wife to the new girlfriend? You are an idiot. p.s. it's creepy when you tell another man's wife you like her toes.) Since it isn't my business, I did NOT just go into it. I am NOT going to try and stay away from hoo-ha posts for a while. There were NOT too many of them here recently.

Not Me Monday: Not a Staycation

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am NOT on a fabulous staycation in an awesome water park resort. It is NOT just a short drive from home, and we did NOT come here instead of Disney just to avoid a 20-hour car ride with my 3yo. We are NOT having just as much fun anyway.

I will NOT be posting more about my first 5K and all the interesting happenings from that day - which you will definitely NOT be laughing at because there were NOT any complete weirdos or strange things going on that day. NOT at all! I also do NOT want to send out a super huge thank you to two of my best bloggy buddies since they did NOT offer tons of support and encouragement and absolutely did NOT call me a rock star, which of course I did NOT enjoy. This post is NOT coming soon.

I also will NOT be boring you with photos of this awesome place we're staying as soon as I get another free minute.

Not Me Monday: Not Sprinkles

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I certainly did NOT walk Sprinkles out to the back yard yesterday and watch her play with (read: try to eat) a leaf for ten minutes before noticing how odd the stem looked and thinking 'hey, that dry, brown leaf is pretty tough for a dry, brown leaf.' I did NOT then make her drop it, only to find that it was actually a baby mole. No, I absolutely did NOT dry heave at the sight of a flattened, recently deceased beast whose guts had been completely sucked dry by said puppy, who does NOT lick Monsoon's face. NOT ever. I'm NOT getting ill at the thought of it right now, either.

I also did NOT opt to wipe her down with a dryer sheet instead of giving her a bath, so she surely does NOT smell like that grandma at Target who gave me a headache with a single whiff. Of course I'm NOT thinking maybe that would work for Monsoon, too...

Not Me Monday: Not A GIVEAWAY!!!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Due to unexpected interest and consequent anticipation of winning my broken pooper-sitters, skunky scent-makers and , used fish-eye-Quinoa....

I did NOT actually purchase something brand spanking new to give away! And it is NOT listed below.

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That's right, folks. There are NOT three bottles of O.P.I. nail polish in stunning colors which are NOT perfectly suited for Spring and Summer. You also do NOT see any O.P.I. RapiDry instant nail polish drying spray, which is NOT used in professional spas. Nope, NOT at all. You will NOT win over $35 worth of O.P.I. products because I am NOT having a giveaway! Do NOT cheer. Do NOT woot! I do NOT love you all.

Here's the real deal: In participation with SITS Spring Fling, this giveaway runs through Tuesday, March 10th at 11:59 p.m. Eastern time. Here's how you can win:

• Leave a comment here for 1 entry. If you don't leave a comment, I will assume you don't want any prize and how the heck else am I supposed to know you earned any extra entries if you don't tell me?
• Tweet about it for 1 extra entry. How I love twitter...
• I hate to bribe anyone to follow me, but I will be giving an extra 5 entries to anyone who comments and is a follower. Loyalty counts for something around here. :)
• I'll be honest, I'm a narcissist. If you tell me what your favorite post on my blog is, I'll give your sweet little brown nose an extra 3 entries.

The winner (that's YOU!) will be announced on Wednesday, March 11th by noon. I'll post about you and leave a nice comment on your blog with congratulations. You will have one week to get back to me with your personal information (scared?) so that I can mail out your pretties in time for warm weather. Otherwise, another winner will be chosen. Oh, and I'm just going to do this the old fashioned way and pull names from a hat. Or a bowl... whatev. Anything for the entertainment of Monsoon, who will thoroughly enjoy writing names on colorful construction paper with me.

Do NOT forget (seriously this time!) to hop over to SITS and check out more Spring Fling Events and Giveaways on Tuesday!

Not Me Monday! Not My Pink Toes

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I absolutely, positively, one hundred percent did NOT spend over ten dollars on one bottle of O.P.I. diamond shimmer nail polish in a beautiful pink called Reflection. I also did NOT subsequently say "sure" when Monsoon asked me to paint his fingernails, therefore NOT causing boiling blood pressure for Hubby. I did NOT then attempt a compromise between all parties by suggesting we NOT paint the boy's toes instead. I am currently NOT afraid for my life.
Of course I do NOT think his feet still look cute... even in pink. He does NOT ever tell me his favorite color is pink, even though I know it's green, just because my favorite color is pink. Totally NOT a super sweetie, that one.

Not Me! Monday: A Bath Story

Click the button below to check out MckMama at My Charming Kids for More Not Me! Monday fun.

I did NOT give my son a bath with the puppy this week because Sprinkles did NOT smell like a pig. Monsoon did NOT refuse to get in the tub, NOT wearing me down to the point of NOT throwing Sprinkles in just to get him to bathe willingly. I did NOT let him help me wash her with her special doggie shampoo, and was NOT worried about hurting her puppy skin with regular soap, so I definitely did NOT just use dog shampoo on my child. No, I absolutely did NOT!

I do NOT wish I had gotten a picture, because it would NOT have gone so well with this post. I am NOT afraid you will all judge my (lack of) parenting based on this. NOT at all. Obviously, I am NOT posting this.

Not Me!

I've been seeing some fun posts for Not Me Monday, so I'm trying it out. There is much more Not Me! fun over at My Charming Kids, so click the link at the top of this post to participate.

First off, I am NOT sitting here trying to occupy myself with things that don't need to be done while my short story which is NOT to be read by peers in three days does NOT sit untouched since it was butchered by three people who could have guessed that I did NOT scrap it together last minute which is why is was NOT the worst thing I have ever written.

I do not use run-on sentences. Nope, not me.

I also did NOT eat eight cookies and a bowl of chocolate ice cream with potato chips last night while NOT watching the super-blah-bowl. Never.

I am NOT feeling crabby and cruddy for no reason... all week. I do NOT miss Monsoon terribly and do NOT, not even a little bit, wish he was home today playing UNO with me instead of having fun at school with his friends. Not me!

I am also NOT dreading group therapy with grandmas tonight and am certainly NOT thinking of skipping out because of a sore throat (Not laziness!).

Last but NOT least, I am NOT contemplating a nap this morning while no one is here to see how lazy I am NOT being.