TAT: Yes, ON the Seat!

It's Tuesday, which means more awkward fun from Tova Darling's Totally Awkward Tuesdays! It might just be my favorite day of the week.



Several years ago, when my in-laws lived 16 hours away, we welcomed them into our home for a week during Christmas.



Despite their everpresent loveliness (disownership of toothbrushes; continual remote/tv-hogging; mispronunciations of such words as wrastling and styroids; and refusal to get off the couch, let alone leave our house to actually visit anyone) I was feeling a little... er.. stifled. By hour 3. Consequently, I spent much of my time hanging out with my younger siblings, tasting the first beer I ever actually enjoyed, and spending money we didn't have on gifts nobody needed.



On one such shopping spree, I found myself loaded down with more bags than I could carry comfortably and in desperate need of a tinkle break. Too bad my shopping bags couldn't fit in any bathroom stall, which was across the Mall anyway, so I lugged everything out to my car and (stupidly) decided I'd be okay until I got home.



By the time I arrived, traffic being her general holiday whore, there was no time to pry the oodles of gifts out of the car or even say hello as I tinkle-danced my way to our ONE and only bathroom. I slammed the door, ripped down my pants without bothering with buttons, and started to sit at the same time I yanked up the toilet lid. Aaaannnd.... STOP.



Silent scream in my head. There was a turd on the seat. Yes, ON the seat. There was no time to call for backup, and if I'd have thought about it I would have hovered over the shower drain - or maybe even the sink at that point. But my brain was not in charge, my bladder was doing all the thinking.



I grabbed an entire roll of TP to wipe it off, dumped half a bottle of bleach on top of the seat, swiped it down again with another roll of TP until there was no resi-poo and poured the rest of the bottle of bleach over the seat for good measure. It wasn't until a half hour later (when my bladder finally emptied completely) that I realized I was sitting in a puddle of bleach. It kind of burned, but quite honestly I was relieved to know there was not a germ left alive on that toilet seat.